Fallen. I think that’s the best word there is to phrase a 2-month wandering solitude of an incomplete existence. Of desperate pointless search that compels you to wish for hope unimaginable. To deny a truth that haunts you in every second you breathe-in that worthlessness of a life unjustified for the lost of a significant complimenting essence.

Yes, to put it simply. I felt nothing and hollow for it. Because nothing could be so much empty, I wanted to fill-in that space with at least enough to content half of that loss. I guess I needed a home.

Upon the light of the thought that I have lost friends, I looked for acceptance. Almost everyone that knew me, made a totally different face, after an incident I reckon. A mask forged by societal lapses of scrutiny, prejudice, and mediocrity.

For a fact that most people tend to be more less critical, it was blatantly arduous to find someone who would understand me. Someone who would breach beyond a common conception. Someone who could transcend.

I paused to look at what I have. ..

Then at times when my greatest grief has almost gotten over me. Redemption found its way to uplift my sullen, insufferable state. I found a family. A family that fostered me in my debacle. A family that in the absence of their presence has expressed their concerns impeccably. That transcended to see the many colors behind black and white.  A family of true friends.

Perhaps it’s then true to say that friends come and go, but the real ones they remain, even to a point where you have almost forgotten them. And there are also those who you unravel late. But even so, they’ve proven their worth in a little time.

And I thank God for having them. With them, I made it through this misery.

I may not be happy or blissful about my solitude. But though it may be so. I must not fall in the beginning of a battle. Besides, for what its worth. ..I have real friends to back me up.

Living the rest of my upcoming days perhaps could be characterized as prepping up. Like what you do in a "prep-time" you brainstorm stuff, discuss, identify, and the rest alike.

Picture that and all, on the responsibilites about to confront your least expectancy. You can’t actually have simplistic confinement. The situation compels you to be conventionally breaching your personal limitations. And that without saying that I still do have to do my homework.

Academics is indeed a mandate. But the passion draws you into a dilemma of priorities. I’ve been thinking then ..so ..which is which? To become the best of what I have or the best of what I would want to become? To hone a gift or the persuit of a clear near-future disposition?

Considering both weighs considerably the same, making the clear-out choice is perhaps out of the light.

Now the Main-Arena’s upcoming. And the little things that I do now paints a partial image of a bigger canvass. I know, how much sacrifice I would have to make as much as I’m aware that I’m willing to take them. But what I’m uncertain of is, if whether it is the right thing to do.

Not only that expectations from people around me. (i.e. family and all) amplifies the pressure on my supposed disposals, It adds up weight as well.

Now this is something needless to say, but still it’s worth stating. You do have to take into consideration the financial back-up. Is it guaranteed? No way of saying it is till the time being.

I know, this post might sound gibberish to those reading it. But if you could read between the lines, you’ll get what I mean.

Goodnight

The word ain’t new to french, I know. But an original here, I swear it is. 

First, as far as I can remember. It was with saying it in french, "Je te aimes". Which means, you know what it means. Then a song played with a less-a-letter version of the word "love" in french.  Then I began using it. To invoke that sense of pride in its uniqueness and to a quintessential essence that it stands -The person to whom you refer to it.

The word was perhaps not made or authored by me. But by the essence of how the word was used, was personal to me. Appropriately speaking, it is to be given to the one who deserves it. Or I thought so. To the person whom I love.

It is my way, an exceptional, personal way of expressing what I can’t, by confining it into a simple term that could mean in so many ways but a sole meaning. I believe, it culminates whatever there is that has to be said but cannot be said because by nature it can’t and can never be expressed in words.

But by just saying it, it invokes all of it. Needless to probe or to define further the details of a transcendental emotion, or a affection. Just by saying it, goes all.

I believe it’s a powerful word. To me and to someone special to me. To someone who deserves to be called so.

Generally, I own the discovery. Normally, I deserve every merit of the word as to how, who, when and where it is to be used.

And I say, It stands a new meaning now. And this time around it will be carved into perpetuity for this time around the word finally found its rightful owner.

From now on, it stands a new essence. Ames, stands for a final name.

A name, Yeasa…

Apathy is a culture obvious to most if not all constituents of this state. Election day has passed but I feel that this reality check scrutiny still doesn’t fail although it’s late.

Here’s the top 7 individuals/candidates whom we could have papertrails when it comes to a point of government decandence here in philippines. I pray they won’t win at all.

1.) If former COMELEC Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano of Hello Garci
fame wins in his bid to become Congressman of Bukidnon…seeking to replace
a good man no less in incumbent Cong. Neric Acosta… We would really be the
laughing stock of the whole world if we allow a man with the reputation of
Garci to be one of our so called "Honorable Gentlemen".

2.) If Dancing Queen Tessie Aquino Oreta reclaims her seat at the
Senate… I hope that all of us would still remember that dance that she did
during the 2001 impeachment hearings after they voted to overrule the
decision of then Chief Justice Davide… let us make sure that people like
her never make it to the Senate again.

3.) If Richard Gomez becomes a senator… what does he know about
making laws? We already have the likes of Bong Revilla and Lito Lapid in the
Senate and their performance or lack of it would be reason enough not to
elect another actor who has no prior experience in government to the
distinguished halls of the Senate.

4.) If Gringo Honasan wins again…. have we not learned our lesson? I
cannot believe that just because someone is charismatic then we will
just elect him to become one of our senators despite the fact that he has
time and again caused so much instability in our country… if we want a
military junta similar to that of Thailand… then lets all vote for this
guy….

5.) If Manny Pacquiao becomes Congressman of General Santos City…
everybody loves Manny the Boxing Champ but Manny the Lawmaker? Lets be
realistic here, Manny is our Hero alright but I think it takes more than
just great boxing skills and a desire to serve to be able to make
appropriate laws that would help uplift the lives of the many Filipinos who
live in Poverty.

6.) If Lito Lapid wins for Mayor of Makati City… I don’t like Jojo
Binay as well but Lito Lapid as city mayor of the country’s finance and
business center?!?! And do you really think he is from Makati and has good
plans for the city? The Arroyos asking someone like him to run just goes to
show you how much love and concern this government has for our country.

7.) If Chavit Singson becomes a Senator, Illegal Gambling = Chavit…
enough said.

Madam Chair . .. The motion basically begs me to take into consideration of what sort of luck have actually beset me for having this woman in my life.

Well ..so much for constructives, let’s move on to the rubbish constuctions of just simply conversing.

True ..seems like everyone who views my phone or friendster alike, says the same thing. Not that I would want to compare-and-contrast women in my life, but people really, at some point in time, speak for themselves.

It’s kind of ridiculous actually, to think of how mix and match of reactions and emotional feedbacks that boils within with regards how people’s point of view could be that complimentary to your own standpoint be in some way fulfilling. If it is just coincidence or let’s just call it -reality, I’m having butterflies in my tummy.

And hearing, might as well witnessing it, engrosses you to gratification. Makes me think really, what incredibly good things have I done to deserve this much merit? …

Retrospectively, I believe, I’m no top-guy. (But I do excel in what I most do…) but then, like moths in an embers of a candle light, I feel that in some way, I’m a luck-inclined character.

Just sad really. ..It’s a bit of a "late" realization. Because it took me practically 4 years of blindness before gaining sight of what true beauty lies beyond darkness.  Maybe I was just overdosed with a peculiar poison at that time that I fail to see more.

Well ..I’m blind no more. Poisoned though, true. But appropriately poisoned indeed. Poisoned of her, is rewarding.

With that I conclude that I’m lucky. Despite the odds and the unlikely circumstances that we are into. I still believe I am.

And with these, I beg to propose. XD

Hath embraced me in your frozen bossoms

Locked in the chills of your cold limbs

The frost of your breath balms my soul

In death my spirit goes a stroll

The prance of the day’s gay

Are fast and swift they sway

A step it takes to walk the boulevard of broken dreams

Still no single light of hope there gleams

In distant placement of a heart my own

Away it went with my fair lady, flown

In time I wait for eternal union

For now I sleep in mournful lone.

I have got to admitt, I am becoming better in this unlike before. All thanks to the Circle by the way, I owe them all the merits of this breakthrough.

Well, ever since highschool freshmen years the passion was already there. The passion for rethorics, arguing, involvement to internal as well as external issues confronting society in all levels. For years, I have sought a greater elevation to my state. I’ve been searching for groups, societies that would hone me on becoming a complete weapon of intellectual extensions.

But to all of those I have been with, I have never been this much sharpened and fortified as to what I have right now.

Before, not do I only loose myself in the passion but I also get lost of what I have but I am unable to ravel. Now is a different story, I may not be that complete but I became better on what I do.

In a way, it actually incites an amplified sense of confidence. The wits magnified through trials and errors. It only basically proves how practice do actually leads you to a state of perfection. And I’m gearing up to that challenge awaiting for someone like me who has this passion burning.

It is also then I realized that debating is not actually just a personal propensity but a gift I have always wanted to impart to all the other individuals, indifferent and concerned alike.

Debate is not just an act of competing with others rationality, but an essence that rationalizes reasons, issues, and all other things that requires criticality and scrutiny.

Well, I owe the Circle for this really. If not without them, I wont’ become what I conceive to be who I am now. The trainings that we had, but not only that. Needless to say the bonds that binds each and everyone of us is perhaps one of the molding factors of my becoming a full-pledged debater.

MPDC’s up front, the bastion of my ratification. Per se, my fulfilling stage. I hope all the trials through fire and that braindraining drills pay off.

And then I’m off. ..to become transcendental.

This is who we are, to all those who share the same passion. We are the elites of society. People have  it wrong when they condoned the essence that debating stands for. We are the silent, significant individuals of the society. Because, it’s not the pot of gold that we’re really after in the end of every competition. But the knowledge that we share to the audience. The world is our audience, I believe. It is what it does that defines the essence of our lives.

(ADEP: Really, A late realization that it actually worked. More of an after-effect. )