Something is no longer there…

This would be a sequel to the previous post, but on a different perspective. The fascades of reality I have confronted are far too many already that somwhere down the road, I addmittedly got lost.

Let’s start off with the "gist-word" of my previous post. "Reason"

Truly, it is given that one could actually have so many reasons consummating his existence. (One’s daily acts, decisions, choices, paths. ..et.al.)But there has to be a paramount one that surpasses all levels of reasons. I believe that it’s "Love". And without it, one is a mere hollow.

Something, that I began to realize, was no longer existent within me.

There were people before that fueled the existence of it. But then, on the most unchosen circumstances, they have to disappar. So it began to decay, errode ..Until, gone.

Everything that I use to think and feel about it, has vanished, leaving behind a shadow of memories that can neither be rekindled nor relished. And not even a bit of that affection used to be felt for those persons, is left. Completely, erradicated, vanished, disappared, gone, Nothing.

Strange really…ecstacies that were so much celebrated before are nowhere to be found now, but I still don’t feel a single bit of regret or remorse. Unlike before that dying is a milder option against desperation, frustration and close insanity due to misery. Emotions that were formerly real has now become dead and cold. The cordial dispositions have become mere figments of a wishful thought.

I am languidly resenting it thus eventually I have been yielding. I seem to not know how to fight it. This is the part where I am desperately fighting this emptiness. Fighting but unaware of how.

This rest is defeaning. I do not wish to linger into this nothingness. I believe that an existence without scourge or pain, and most importantly, Love, is not living at all.  I wish to bring back what has died, but anew. It has to be in a different form now. But the questions to that is…

When? Who?

Ive been living with a shadow over head
Ive been sleepin with a cloud above my bed
Ive been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just cant seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just incase I ever need them again someday
Ive been setting aside time,to clear a little space in the cornners of my mind

chorus:
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
ohh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
Ive been searching but I just dont see the signs
I know that its out there
Theres got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody to get me through the night
I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions

Chrous
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart again
I guess Im hopin you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I dont know if its real
or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart to you
Im hopin you'll show me what to do
and if you help me to start again
you know that I'll be there for u in the end

The lost of drive is a blight of inspiration. You seem to have converged all sort of possibilities to give you a hoist up but the higher you get, the void becomes more and more conspicuously felt. You’d realize a bitter reality of emptiness, and that what you’re actually doing right now is not a ferret for a greatness but a great scramble for your own gratification. At the end of the day, you wound up on the sack, discontented, lost, hollow.

Figuratively, you’re floating on air. Or a mere blanket over a hole.

You have augmented yourself to the most endeared capabilities that are rare if not none at all to most people. You have fortified your "being" with varities of accomplishments, but your "self" was never really satisfied or in any way, consummate.

You have gained power indeed, but power as a justification is a mere surface transcendence. Something that you’ll realize later on when you’re almost reaching the peaks of your pinnacles. Then, you break down.

So to speak, this is how I would define my humanity right now. Great but unjustified.

I guess what I’m really trying to say right now is that I missed the old days of reasons where the reasons that justify my existence were of a purpose of being a complimentary to an another’s existence. Redemption seems to be a far flung reality to me as of the moment.

But I hope and I pray, one day I will get through this. And find another of those really "greater" reasons. Though, I’m doing well with the incentives of solitude. But from a standpoint of enlightenment, it’s just merely not enough.

I need a REASON.

Ecstasy could die if not rekindled.  A life’s lesson learned from the ramming of status condition shifts of my recent days of existence. Values you come to realize is an offset to a present solitude. Philosophically, I’m more sound, rational, stable…better. Learning that principles are underground entities that can only be unraveled through one’s endurance upon the extremest circumstances and or situations.

My former being as I taught to be stable was a clear-out mere conviction and that reality checks do often are catalystic. And for it to be affirmed, a massive consideration of consequences must first come at hand. That every after decision are aftermaths and from those equivalents bloom a greater sense of enlightenment. And one would likely fail to transcend if it is presently clouded with ephemeral ecstasy which could be so overwhelmingly empowering, that often times, one would think it’s forever, eternal, gravely superimposing a more profound wisdom underneath. I was wrong -A concesion from a standpoint of transcendence.

Now, a great nuance stands between my previous self and my present being. And that now I have learned to delve in a kaleidoscope perspective -a multiple individual character aspect that you could hone from all the lessons you’ve learned from experience. A greater horizon of possibilities expands your sea of awareness, consciousness, wisdom and knowledge. This is the incentive.

The self-characterization is not only focal to a single indulgent perspective. One has to think out of a nutshell.

Now I’m out, open. Free from tangles of unnecessary, non-intellectual responsibilities. With that, I would begin a new quest of truth and a greater reality. And start minding critical forges that would eventually lead to a self-defining scenario. From this, I will make it a point that in whatever I do, whatever I choose or decide will lead me to a path of becoming a greater being.

Misery is an incentive. This is a fact. Not just an optimistic assessment.

You just got to look deeper.

Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon’ fight
Oh yes we gon’ fight
Believe we gon’ fight
We gon’ fight
Fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you

Nobody wanna see us together
Nobody thought we’d last forever
I feel I’m hopin’ and prayin’
Things between us gon’ get better
Men steady comin’ after you
Women steady comin’ after me
Seem like everybody wanna go for self
And don’t wanna respect boundaries
Tellin’ you all those lies
Just to get on your side
But I must admit there was a couple secrets
I held inside
But just know that I tried
To always apologize
And I’ma have you first always in my heart
To keep you satisfied

Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon’ fight
Oh yes we gon’ fight
Believe we gon’ fight
We gon’ fight
Fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you

Got every right to wanna leave
Got every right to wanna go
Got every right to hit the road
And never talk to me no more
You don’t even have to call
Even check for me at all
Because the way I been actin’ lately
Has been off the wall
Especially toward you
Puttin’ girls before you
And they watchin’ everything I been doin’
Just to hurt you
Most of it just ain’t you
Ain’t true
And they won’t show you
How much of a queen you are to me
And why I love you baby

Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon’ fight
Oh yes we gon’ fight
Believe we gon’ fight
We gon’ fight
Fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you

Oh oh oh oh oh
Cause I got you
Cause I got you
Ooooh
Cause I got you babe
Cause I got you

Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon’ fight
Oh yes we gon’ fight
Believe we gon’ fight
We gon’ fight
Fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon’ fight
Oh yes we gon’ fight
Believe we gon’ fight
We gon’ fight
Fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
But it don’t matter no
Cause I got you

Sniff… Yeas…T.T