What was my resolve?

The fullness of a soul is defined by the marriage of the heart and the mind. That there is sense in emotions, and to a drama, a plot that served framework of the entirety of a stage play called life. We live in a satire of our own theatrical realities, such an adage came into existence “What goes around, comes around” has been a great exemplification of how justice recuperates what has been lost on one’s account. And learning is a game we play all throughout the process, so justice is then served in our next undertakings. When we consummate ourselves, we become “you”, “me”, “I”, “they”, “we”… et al. 
In other words, WE become WHO WE ARE.

True. Learning is an imperative mandate silently spoken out from the courses of our existence. That it provides you the RELEVANT, and reveals to you the TRIVIAL that ought not to be reconsidered if possible.
We basically talk about knowing what is “GOOD” from “RIGHT”. We evaluate, then reevaluate in a manner borne by our instincts that have resulted from the vast accounts of experiences as we have moved forward in living. Then, it gives you that “CONSCIENCE” which whispers every time you are about to commit something that will eventually lead to an undoing.

With all of these in synergy you forge an ultimatum to your predisposal, such that, you will incessantly be in constant race between “CHOICE” and “FATE”. -You with your “Choice”, and time with “Fate”. In return, if “Choice” supersedes “Fate”, you pour-in demagoguery and assign a politically intellectual setting to that framework. And then you become more of a technical-less-sentient being.

But what does it compromises?

EXPERIMENT…

We move to the link:

I have desperately battled my way out of a seemingly immortal mess. Out of a perpetual distraught I had been entangled with for some time. As such has been vex to my general growth, I needed to do away with it effectively (This entails a considerable timetable to process)and yet quickly. I fear reaching the point of my own decadence.

Since it was emotionally rooted, the best way to counter “HEART” matters is its offset counterpart essence … the MIND.

The expanse dwindled; I had been
growing at a point where I no longer
know where to stop.

Pain, emptiness, desolation, was just
some that constitutes a great void
that I had been relentlessly filling
ever since. By constantly seeking for
answers, non-existent and existent
alike, as long as it is viable to
relinquish the idea of loss, even if
it’s transient, and for that of which
are permanent, will fill the way
through until to the brim of an
apparent bottomless abyss carved
beneath within, although the duration
will be in a point-in-a-time basis.

And out of all those labor to
consummate myself again, I have
attained several steps up the tiers to
the ultimate conclusion. However, when
I paused to reflect on what I have
already accomplished, I took a glance
up the pinnacle…

I knew, it wasn’t even half-way yet.
And the dent thought of it, frustrated
me unutterably…
The formidable distant heights to
conquer made it seemingly impregnable.

But it never seized my hopes nor has
it rendered an effort, null. Despite
the daunting antagonist besetting the
zeal of my quest, I have never given
up from it at all. My determination
had me shift gears and met me halfway
at my convenience. It took lesser the
time I had expected to get to where I
was…

Midway…

Then again I paused. This time, gazed
at how far am I already from my
beginnings.
But what was strange was that,
regardless of how much I was able to
accomplish from a considerably distant
quest, I still felt not being there at
all.

Discontented, I moved forward…

Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep.
This air is blessed, you share with me.
This night is wild, so calm and dull.
These hearts, they race from self-control.
Your legs are smooth as they graze mine.
We're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me,
So won't you kill me, so I die happy?
My heart is yours, to fill or burst,
To break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.

The words are hushed, let's not get busted.
Just lay entwined here, undiscovered;
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"Hey, did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close,
They can't hear, so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me,
So won't you kill me, so I die happy?
My heart is yours, to fill or burst,
To break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.

Hands down, this is the best day I can ever remember.
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
The dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair,
That you twirled in your fingers.
And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late.
And this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet and the gate was locked,
So I jumped it and I let you in,
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist,
And you kissed me like you meant it,
And I knew that you meant it.
That you meant it, that you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it.

Christian, your secret to success is your Grace under Pressure

(This will not be that point in time where I would make a blatant lie)

Test taken from: www.tickle.com

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Even when the pressure’s on, you manage to keep your composure and focus on the task at hand. When you’re running late for work, the kids can’t find their shoes, the washing machine exploded, and the dog is chewing the rug, you have an enviable ability to handle it all without letting your temper get in the way.

Calm, cool, and collected, you’ve got a good, level head on your shoulders. You’re not one to get frazzled by life’s unexpected ups and downs. While some might let stress get the better of them, you keep your eye on the task at hand and power through it. And that’s what makes you excel at anything you try. You go!

The rhetorical view of individual philosophy is inasmuch as discussing politics and its quintessence, basically talks about purpose. Purpose that upon our endearment to it, we grow a sordid subjection of a multiple aspect idea into a sole preferential thought. That upon the light of our selfish ignorance or be it our evasive instincts from being daunted by our most formidable fears, we have singled-out purposes of any given acts.

We best define transcendence as surpassing the realms of our wisdom boundaries and attaining a new and higher level of rationale. But oftentimes, transcendence is influenced by normative pasts that it forges a sculpture the way we prefer. This greatly affects our capacity to think out of the shell since we immediately content ourselves with our alleged “wisdom level-ups”. But a truth that is not too known to many or maybe not that understood, wisdom is larger than how we think it is. A point in time we think of it in one way, but the next catalyst event would trigger another door to be unlocked. With that, wisdom will never be confined within the corners of our current state of analysis. The next events would be pivotal to our realizations.

This is how I would explain it…

In a link to my situation now, I have assumed that the transcendence from my former encounter with tragedy was enough to justify my thirst of reasons. Come to think of it, I ultimately concluded, that was it that there is to know about it, and there couldn’t be anything else. The pieces fit; therefore it should be the “sole” cause. That whatever my reasons of moving-on forward was purely out of my desire to relinquish the shadows, and not be under its cast again.

But there is no “sole” cause. There are underlying motives.

In the process, I have unconsciously countered every single thought of possibilities of drawbacks, and unconsciously became efficient with it (I guess the shields were more effective than I’ve ever thought it would). Every opportunity, every chance, is determined to a funeral. At the back of my mind is a voice that tells me: “Kill it, before it spreads…” And like a slayer blade it swiftly cuts-in, to bleed and nick it out of life.  Then a chance’s cold as corpse in a fast-run.

Then I pondered. Could this be all the purpose that I’ve got, to act in such a way to prevent? Is it just preventing all along?

No, I wasn’t.

The defense mechanism was an automatic machinery fueled by an instinct derived from a former cause. It somehow evolved into a weapon of assault. To assault for my own expense of a driven crave to become more of me and less of who I was –A sentimental symbiotic weakling.  I have been instigating reinforcements into my new found self. A self wielded by a much more certain future without sidesteps of any plausible indulgence. A being anew solely engineered to ardently move forward to its goal and to it alone.  That I have constantly sought to grasp greater power, thus, I have compromised any chance given because I knew for a fact it will be a setback. In the path that I have chosen, I created a resolve to know the greater lights in the utter darkness. Inasmuch as my rewards that I savor now, it will be amplified at the end of this course. Inherently, I knew there was so much more to it and my patience is the key.

Solitude is a sacrifice we commit ourselves into when we realize "That" something which is much more important. And we must be willing to submit ourselves into it if we would opt to choose a much clearer path. It might not be that swell as not being so, but assurances of sweet incentives at the end, is certain.
Like a pill, it never really tastes good at all to begin with, but it’s your only way to cure the ill.

The old woman did teach me something that night; that there is a far greater pinnacle to get to. And whatever I’m doing right now is not only for reprieve’s sake, but for it as well.

The real unrest begins when the whole world settles down in your mind yet you feel that the nights seem longer than as they were before. When you start finding daylights in the stark evenings and look at darkness as your living haven. When motion ceases to reel-in the next picture and you’re stranded in a cold vertigo of looking at the same window to your past all over and over again.

Then you start asking yourself .. "what do I exactly seek?" ..

Asks an old cigarette vendor woman sitting right next to me when I was about to stand up from a seat nearby her to head my way back at the boardinghouse, one night of an apparent relentless silence, just about being broken by very rare passing of vehicles on the streets.

I popped out to "puff" that time.

"What do you plan to become after when you graduate young lad?(Mag unsa man ka pagkahuman nimo ug graduate dong?)" She surprisingly asked me out of the blue, without even staring, though as if she was addressing the question to someone else.

"I will become a lawyer." I replied, with an instinctive sense of pride and confidence within me in giving out those words. Mindless of imminently inevitable blockades that one must be able to surpass to get to the end of every journey. I was dead sure of my answer as if I have come in an acquaintance with what end already. The statement was as strong as my immortal convictions of my predisposals.

"I will become what I want to become.." as I always have said to myself.

Then subsequently she replied in a discreet manner, fairly audible from where I was standing as of that moment. "Then you must be willing to make sacrifices." she said ..I did not bother to rally another reply anymore. From a point-blank range of audibility, her remark pave way into the core of my self, breaking all layers, leaving me open, peeled.

It knocked a very strong sense into me. It unlocked another point of transcendence, in a way that this time, it was retrospectively looking from the actions already taken to its root-causes, then realizing another facet of a given course of motive. I wasn’t just fending-off after all to prevent further pain. I was defending in such a way because it was necessary for me to grow. To grow even more. To become better.