God dammit!!! …

don’t make it harder… Please know..
read me between these lines…
Please.. .

I’ll coin a bet for this for whosoever
could give me the answers, wins the
prize…
2 weeks of daylights, and stark ebony
nights. That’d be equivalent to 14
days of looking at the same celestial
ceiling s all over and over again.
Nothing seems to be different around
the world at all … like it sustained
a sense of permanence, unspoken.

Something to tip the scale?…
When? .. Soon… but the choice I
feel, is yet a bit far than I think it
should be… Or is it just me…

Strangers we are in a world of acquaintances
Both of our worlds are built in the foundations of our differences
And the bridge was once a dark room undiscovered
At times, it becomes an abyss unlit beyond; the darkness revered

But there was a time when we had to make strikes
To strike the distance that gapes between bonds
To reconcile a conflict of time and space
To try merging two souls into one

So one did…

Strangers we are in a world of acquaintances
Both of our worlds are built in the foundations of our differences
And the bridge was once a dark room undiscovered
At times, it becomes an abyss unlit beyond; the darkness revered

But there was a time when we had to make strikes
To strike the distance that gapes between bonds
To reconcile a conflict of time and space
To try merging two souls into one

So one did…

It has come to this,
My candid fear overwhelms me again
As I write the words my heart spoke
Speaks and speaking relentlessly
Like a reel of a windmill’s trend

Had not have I sought it, the conclusions will not be met
To a point where I see skies brighter than light
And forge a hope stronger that of God’s might

As regret transforms to joy, comes guilt
The innocence forbids what crime I will’th
So much for the grace beset
What I see bestowed is a sin

Morning cometh, a day different from yesterday
Under that same light parches my skin
Unfolds a glory beyond I can conquer
Greatness that I do not deserve

Here begins again,
Opening a morning window that blinds
Shun that darkness of a room undiscovered
Enter the light that balms the lost soul; flesh and spirit bind

But a crime will remain unforgivable
In pending bliss, I rest

Let me die again!
Does my solitude mean I’m not forgiven?
Of a sin committed but I haven’t chosen?
Am in eternal combat with the animate shadows of my past crimes?
Can I not be absolved of the undue blames of time?

Dear God! I am in anguish!
Of uncertainty where true love’s true!
The confusion that hurdles me into the infinite unworthy blues!
My goodness paid by the outright justice of the just
My severed soul reverts to dust

My music surges to balm the wounds of my grey soul
So much are the pains, they’ve taken toll
In velvet skies, forever my glee lies
So long are the days of halcyon, they’ve died

The years of tears that haplessly devoured me
The silence of my cries that deafened the senses; life flees
I am rendered lost in the translation of freedom
The love I’ve relinquished in place of wisdom

At times when it finds me, I resolve to hide
Upon the shields of past wisdom bind
The anthem of glory has lost its sense of bliss
Denied are the fruitful dreams of true love’s kiss

Harked are the horns of cynicism, it overwhelms
The wishful bright bloom’s helms
The music of my soul now fails to resemble a smile
Rather, laughter of nothingness in wisdom’s guise

Well I was there on the day
They sold the cause for the queen,
And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright scene.

It was the roar of the crowd
That gave me heartache to sing.
It was a lie when they smiled
And said, "you won’t feel a thing"
And as we ran from the cops
We laughed so hard it would sting

Yeah yeah, oh

If I’m so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter after I’m gone?
Because you never learned a god damned thing.

You’re just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
Well if you think that I’m wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

I spent my high school career
Spit on and shoved to agree
So I can watch all my heroes
Sell a car on tv
Bring out the old guillotine
We’ll show ‘em what we all mean.

Yeah yeah, oh

If I’m so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter long after I’m gone?
Because you never learned a god damned thing.

You’re just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I’m wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

So go, go away, just go, run away.
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?
Go find another way, price you pay

Woah, woah, woah
Woah, woah, woah

You’re just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I’m wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya, come on

You’re just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
Well if you think that I’m wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

At all, at all, at all , at all…

I guess learning as well involves looking at things in a conventionally new perspective. And just about when the first semester of this blessed academic year is going to end, I find myself groping upon mars inflicted by my reality flogs. I’m amazed how much I have seen through things in a black and white, grey nuance, it gave me a sense of enlightenment, that they weren’t really anything solely sinister, but as well, benevolence to a soul that seeks greater transcendence.

Anyway, I’ve had enough of my emotional constipations and so much for the philosophical crackpots, this time, from a long time being so in depth, I have finally uncovered an inherent sense of truth. That upon the craft of the seemingly unfathomable profundity, there is a shallow practicality.

Just what exactly is this anyway?

Well, it’s a thing that we call recovery.
I guess as of now, all of those enigmatic mental growth spurts have come to a point of reprieve (Give an old man a break, will yah!? Not only is my brain greyer, I think my hairs have gone a long way too). Before, where “recovery” was still up for grabs, desolation was my kindest companion. Desolation that urged me to push through to surface from the sea of awareness and relinquish agony by a cure, I call reason.

It was a constant battle for reasons, I guess. But the centerfold of all threshes of rereading and reevaluating a tragic past in the light of seeking redemption will always be stability. That at the end of the day, there is really that light at the end of a dark tunnel. You will eventually recover.

It was a worthwhile experience. It’s about time that I wrote the last words of that life’s chapter and begin writing with the next. And to make sure that this time, I will be experimentally prudent about writing something.

Good noon. =)